wecameassickcunts:

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

wecameassickcunts:

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

(Source: falsely-advertized, via debonairfucker)

imnecerssaryevil:

scatteringstarslikesprinkles:

madamfruitcake:

anentirelynewhunger:

Does anyone else make sarcastic comments out loud when watching a TV show or film even though you’re completely alone?

What do you mean comments? I provide my own fucking audio commentary.

“Oh yes, going into the abandoned Mental Asylum that’s known to be haunted is a
fabulous idea and there is no way that could possibly go wrong you stupid fucks

this is’nt normal?

(via goddamnbrokenphones)

bigmamaslam:

Your vocabulary words for the week.

(Source: strangerlostinthefog)

Seriously, I think I need a chore chart like some people make for their kids. Break up what needs to be done on a daily basis. Complete with stickers and rewards (and consequences?) and shit. My house would stay cleaner.

Welcome to another round of “I need to cough but it might make me pee.”

No one ever wins.

brewingmedic asked: Three things 'axed' (don't you just hate it when people say that? <-- not a question) 1. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? 2. Can you make biscuits from scratch? (no, whompum biscuits do not count) 3. FMK .... Moe, Larry and Curly -Anon

(This has been in my askbox since April 11th. No shit. I suck at keeping up with things sometimes.)

 When they do it on purpose I do. :P

1- Ugh, It’s probably the Reese Cup flavor if I’m ONLY having that ice cream. I actually prefer vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup in a mug and pouring almond milk over the whole thing. It makes the ice cream a little icy and crispy and then I have super cold. super sweet chocolate milk to drink at the end.

2- Nope. Not one bit. Never tried and never will. J is the cook in our house. I make jokes and look pretty.

3- I’m a bad one to ask this, seeing as how I’ve hardly voluntarily watched much 3 Stooges in my life time, but I’ll try.
I’ll fuck Moe. He seems angry enough to make it fun.
I’ll kill Larry for no good reason.
I’ll marry Shemp Be-Fuckin_Cause.

sweetcarnality asked: I found through that crazy spider baby post that happened on my dash thanks to the lovely notnumbersix. Following you bc your description is funny. "... Bc fuck and stuff.." I love the way you say " harshin' my vibe. Just awesome

Ah! Someone actually played the “How did you find me” game!

I’ve been told I phrase things…..differently. I call police “coppers” which J likes to poke fun at. I don’t know where these things come from. 

Welcome and thanks for staying! I hope to not disappoint!

Whenever I selfie I hardly ever give a toothy smile because I think I look silly. There&#8217;s a local photographer, Doug Richardson, who always catches me at events and takes great pictures of me. In this one there&#8217;s sunlight all up in my eye. Someday I&#8217;ll figure out if I have brown or hazel or green or amber eyes. They won&#8217;t stay one color for more than a couple of days!

Whenever I selfie I hardly ever give a toothy smile because I think I look silly. There’s a local photographer, Doug Richardson, who always catches me at events and takes great pictures of me. In this one there’s sunlight all up in my eye. Someday I’ll figure out if I have brown or hazel or green or amber eyes. They won’t stay one color for more than a couple of days!

beardedgypsy:

Why isn’t there a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off porn parody with James Deen as Ferris, Stoya as Sloane and Ron Jeremy as Principal Rooney?

(Source: longhairlair)

lady-chyna:

logicislife:

jessycanhasblog:

irishsub:

Two girls, one piano. Warning: Awesome.

Oh wow these girls are brilliant.

These girls: 1
Tom Hanks: 0

Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor | Johann Sebastian Bach.

I wonder how long it took to practice this shit

(Source: videohall, via dontexpectanything)

random preggo thoughts

I hope I’m good with Frankie’s face. I hope he doesn’t come out and I look at him and think, “Man, you look like an asshole.”

tequilafemina:

A few minutes ago my coworker said “The sexual position formerly known as 69 will now be referred to as 96. Due to the economy, the price of eating out has gone up.”

My boss is still crying.

(Source: 9tequilafemina, via pleasesirslapmeharder)

gwyn-gwyn:

I’m a vegan and srs if you make your pets vegan you’re a fuckhead

(Source: cerebralzero, via uncatchablefox)

raypuaza:

can i stay at your place? no hobo

(Source: goldicrocs, via prestonhymas)